It felt like the wolf was trying to crawl up my throat, out my throat. But not touching him made Richards power worse, harder to refuse. Then everything got worse, because the ardeur stirred within me.
Poor Richard had had it dumped into his lap with no practice. Id had years of practice before I grew up with that rage. Id known that what Richard got through me, through the marks, had been my anger, but I hadnt understood until just now what that meant. I stared down at three grown werewolves barely containing the struggling, snarling, yellow-eyed man, and I thought, This is my fault. A big portion of my rage had simply transferred to my reasonable, calm Richard. I hadnt just shared my anger with Richard through Jean-Claudes marks I had given it to him. I thought my therapy had helped me deal with some of that bottomless rage, but now standing there I realized that maybe it hadnt been therapy. My anger had been nearly everything to me once. It had taken the place of sorrow, pleasure, and love. It was the only emotion I had allowed myself. That was how my anger had made me feel for years. The one that fits just right and makes you feel warm and safe. I knew it like a well-worn shoe, or a favorite sweater. I couldnt breathe I was being baked alive with his power. Ulfric, please! Richards anger fed his beast, fed his power. Either they were going to have to hurt him, or he would most certainly hurt them. Holding him without being willing to hurt him wasnt going to work for long. Richard was a serious weight lifter and had a black belt in karate. Shang-Da was yelling, Ulfric, remember yourself! Jamil was simply trying to hold Richard down without hurting him, or being hurt. The impact of their bodies hitting made enough force of wind and physical energy that it pushed against us like some kind of small explosion. They had used their own impossible speed to be there before him. Then the blur of speed that was Richard met the wall that was Shang-Da and Jamil.
All I had time to do was decide that I wouldnt use the gun. I didnt have time to decide whether that was good or bad. Alex Pinn, the other weretiger, was just suddenly beside Crispin. CRISPIN SHOVED ME behind him and braced for impact.
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